Lesson One

  So, last week's post wasn't as well received as the others. Kinda disappointing for me, but, you know, that's the life of an artist I suppose. My friend Ian used to have a phrase he used, "the kind of pain only an artist knows". I like to use that one occasionally. It really stops people from asking more questions. So, although I can't teach you what that particular pain feels like, I can teach you a bit about art. Not in a Bob Ross "everybody can paint" kinda way. More of a " you can understand what the artist was going for" kinda way.
  I was cleaning and sorting my studio when I found the information I originally came across years ago. It was from SoYouWanna.com and broke down artistic periods and movements for the common person. It was done in a humorous way so you didn't realize you were actually learning something. I don't want to blatantly rip off the material (although artists do things like that a lot, visually anyway). I also found some information from a gallery I was looking in to doing a show with. It seems to be worksheets for a school class. Perhaps what they handed out for field trips. Reading over it made me laugh a bit. It contained things like a list of words to use in order to make yourself sound more intelligent. This is the kind of shit that irritates me and alienates the common folks. You don't need words to sound intelligent. you need intelligent thoughts and ideas. Here's a list of some of the words:

• enhancement
• sequence
• austere
• fervor
• opulent
• fluidity
• brisk
• lavish
• anguish

  This reminds me of the 'chef's descriptive words' they wanted me to use when I was a waiter at that nation wide seafood chain. Pretentious shit. When's the last time you used 'austere' or 'fervor' in your day to day conversations? Yeah, me neither. I'm all for using a big vocabulary. Repeating the same words over and over gets very distracting to the listener. But, come on, quit trying to make it seem like you need a special vocabulary to talk about art. You don't. I've had many occasions to ask people what they liked about my paintings. The answer that I seems to get most often, the one that makes me want to cry is, " I don't know how to talk about art". If you can form a sentence, you can talk about art.
  Let's look at a painting:

 Here's the pretentious person: " This piece straddles the line between formal and informal balance, adding to the implied tenseness of the work. The artist strives to show us the fine line between happiness and sadness that we all experience in our daily lives. The muted colors, along with the strong black areas, recall the work of earlier expressionists, carrying the torch into the 21st century. Baltz's minimalist style fully captures the emotional state of the world today."
 And now, Joe Average: "I like this one. The yellows go well with the black. even though there's a lot of black it doesn't seem to be depressing. The smile on the face leaves me feeling happy as well."
  Who's correct? Well, technically both are. That's the insidious thing about the art critics and their art speak. It's really just their opinion, so it can't be wrong. Who would you rather go to the museum with? Joe Average? Good answer. Me? Suck up. Also, not such a good choice. I get really annoyed at all the shitty art they display. The pretentious person? No, just no. In no reality is that a correct answer.
  Okay, here's another one:

 Pretentious person: " The opulence of this piece is only overshadowed by the brisk, lavish brushwork. The painting oozes the fervor the artist experienced while creating it. The anguish and honesty along with the fluid shifting of colors only enhances the richness of the depth of emotion trapped in this one, waiting for the viewer to find the sensitivity to recognize a modern masterpiece when he sees one. I expect big things from this artist. His interpretations of the perfection of the human condition will lead to a major influence on all other artists looking to expand their sense of creativity."
  Regular Joe: " I like the colors. They're not what I expect when I see a painting. I'm not sure what the guy is thinking, but he seems intense."
 Me: "I'm just trying new things, sticking with the primary colors. I kept the yellow in the light and the blues toward the dark. I like the way the expression turned out. I'm pretty happy with this one."
   So, who's right this time. Me? Yes. I am. It's my painting and my blog, so, yeah, I'm right. Now, which description will help the painting sell? Most likely the pretentious one. It makes me sound like a genius. Am I a genius? Be careful how you answer that one.

Bonus art:

 No particular reason. I'm just really happy with it.

Feel smarter? Feel indebted to me for opening your eyes? Kick me a few bucks: