Here I Am

  Wow. it's been a long time. I didn't realize that I haven't posted this year. Now, there's plenty of excuse as to why I didn't, but it's really  just me not having it in me.  The first part of the year I was feeling kinda blah about creating, so, I didn't. For a long time. A long uncomfortable time. I started to come out of it right before the whole COVID thing hit. In fact, when the virus hit big I was ready to make it something positive. I was laid off from my job ( I never thought there'd come a day when I couldn't wait tables, even though I was willing and able) and decided to make it an art fueled vacation. I even had some money put back, so it should be no problem.
  I started out by restarting my Daily Zen:

Once a day, every day since I was laid off. Today I did number 85. I was also big into doing some t-shirt stuff. I had paint and stencil stuff. I studied up on batik. I even had some ideas about melting crayon wax into shirts. I spent five days grinding crayons in preparation for the experiments. I had even started some online figure drawing classes. I was gonna emerge from the self quarantine as an artistic beast. Then....
   I got denied for unemployment. I really shouldn't have. But I did. Nothing I could do. It was pretty much impossible to talk to a real human on the phone. Stressed me right out. So when my job asked me to come in and do to-go orders, I had to say yes. Even thought it's literally everything I hate about my job. That really messed up my focus and my motivation. So, I put my head down and did the grind.
   Eventually, I started to get the itch. I had read a book by Hugh MacCloud that really changed my outlook. I realized that my art is better when I do it for myself than when I try to make art to make money. I mean, I knew that, but the way he put it really smacked me in the face. I was inspired by he business card drawings and decided to do some small ink and watercolors.

   I did a couple, and then a bunch. Trying new stuff. Finishing quickly and moving on to the next. A great way to work out ideas and styles. Of course, I posted them on social media. I also had ideas for some large acrylics. It was a very productive time (actually, it still is). Something funny happened along the way. All the work I was doing just for me got really popular. And I started selling art. Quite a bit. Probably more in the last six weeks that I've done in the entire time since by shoe gig died out (four years ago-ish).
  So, things are getting better in the art world. The restaurant world is another story, but it is what it is. It's just good to be me lately. I'm really happy with my life and my art.

AKO ANG HARI
        Doug

Here's My Thoughts

   So, I'm having trouble. Lot's of trouble. I'm having a hard time separating Doug the Waiter from Doug the Artist. I have this feeling deep inside that I need to chose one. I suppose if that's true then I've gotta pick Doug the Waiter, if only because he's the one bringing in the money. I'm not angry, or depressed, or frustrated, but maybe I'm a bit of all three. I went back to waiting tables full time because my wife's job was eliminated. Just like that. No warning, no severance, just an oh-yeah-I-guess-we-don't-need-you-right-now. So, I get on the horse and go back to waiting tables four days a week (you see, I was down to one day a week, just in case, while I did art). And it was painful ( mostly because when I was diagnosed with diabetes and was in intensive care for three days I lost a lot of my muscle tone). No chance to ease back in. My legs and feet screamed at me at the end of every shift. I'd come home and just lay down because I didn't have the energy to do anything else. My art just kinda slipped away. I  built my strength back up and now it's not so bad, yet I still don't feel like doing anything creative. I do some painting here and there, but it's not speaking to me the way it used to. I'm finishing up a commissioned portrait that I need to have finished (and should have already finished) and delivered by Christmas. It's not coming along like it should have and it's stressing the fuck out of me. Perhaps another sign it's time to lay my brushes down and commit to being the best waiter I can be. I feel like everything I had built up artwise I let slip away. Maybe it's all my fault. Maybe I don't deserve to be a full time artist. I don't know. I'm sure someone will tell me. I can't seem to sell enough art to break even on supplies, so, I'll just treat it like an expensive hobby I can no longer afford. For everyone who has supported me along the way, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Maybe some day I'll feel more like Doug the Artist. I suppose anything's possible.

      DOUG

Here's Where I'm At

  So, more on the struggle. I think (well, I'm 99% sure) that I'm done with the move from Paducah. I'm not sure how (or when) we'll get rid of that house. I just want to be done with it. I don't care if we don't make a dime, as long as we don't have to pay any more. It's taken waayyyy to long to get our stuff. We've run in to all kinds of trouble with it. I don't need that at this point in my life. Maybe we can just give it back to the bank.
   I've got about six minutes of animation for my Epitaph movie project. Not as much as I would have thought at this point, but better than nothing. It's been way more labor intensive that I thought. That's probably a good thing, as I may not have started it I had known.
   I had a daily drawing/writing journal I had been working on for about ten months that has fallen by the wayside. I'm really lucky I did as much as I did, and I just don't have it in me anymore.
   I've also been getting my studio reorganized, now that I have all my stuff. It has taken a lot of my precious free time, but it'll pay off in the long run. I haven't done as much painting/drawing as I should have. Barely just enough to keep the stress from overwhelming me. I'm a mess right now. I really should have more done than I have. Much more. Seems every time I get a bit of momentum built up something comes along to derail me. I won't make excuses, but my having to go back to full time waiting tables has really discouraged me. I'm great at what I do, but I'm ready to be done with the restaurant business and create full time. I suppose it's just not in the cards right now. I gotta play the cards I'm dealt. A bit of regrouping and I'll be back on the horse. I always get back up.

  Here's a picture of a painting I had started in Paducah. Two years ago. Maybe I can still make something of it. If not, I'll paint over it.
  Thanks for stopping in. I really appreciate the support.

AKO ANG HARI
   DOUG

Buy me a coffee

Here's A Good Chance

   I'm not sure if I ever have, but I've wanted to give some insights into my process for naming my paintings. I just had a few that I thought would be perfect for this.

   This is "How Could You Forget Me?":

I just brought this up from Paducah last week (I know, after a year and a half I should be done with the move from Paducah, but it's been complicated). I grabbed about a dozen of these (3' x 2' size). I saw this one when I got here and thought "why have I not photographed this one already?". So, when I did I needed a name. I had forgotten to take this pic. No idea why. Or how. How I could have forgotten. Boom! Painting title. It also fits well. A guy on a phone with two women in each upper corner. All of a sudden there's a title and a back story. Ta-da.

    Here is "It's Not Broken":

This also just came up from Paducah. I obviously painted this face over an abstract purple field. I like this one, but when I look at it the nose seems off. It's too late for me to fix it and it's not that big a deal. His nose. It's not broken. Bam! Painting title. It also says something about the expression on his face. Road weary, but not giving up. Beaten. But not broken.

This one is "Regality":

I just finished this one the other day. A small "daily painting" type acrylic. I'm very happy with it. When I went to post it I needed to give it a title. She had an air of royalty, to me anyway. She's not royalty, but regal seemed more accurate. Regal didn't seem like a good title. Royalty? Naw. Hey, I'll combine the two. Regality. Is that a word? No. Does it matter? Not really. Not to me. I like the title and it really seems to fit. It gives it a name and a bit of a back story. Just what I like for a title to do.

    So, that's the story on three of the unique painting title stories. Perhaps I'll do another one of these some day. Some of my titles have a lot more behind them that you would ever suspect. Some titles come to me as soon as I finish a painting, or even as I'm creating it. Some titles have more to do with what's going on in my life than what's going on with the art. Some titles remind me of exactly what my life was about at the time. Sometimes I can't remember how I came up with the title. Crazy, right?

AKO ANG HARI                             Buy me a coffee
DOUG

That's Right, All The Way

   So, I'm back. Not as regularly as I would like to be, but I'm not giving up on this. It's been an adventure as of late. Some health issues in my house and some financial dings. Not stuff I enjoy, but I just gotta keep moving forward.
   I'm working on my next graphic novel (number 4). I have some rough ideas of what I want but I can't seem to find a good opening. Once I get these started it's all down hill from there. Sometimes I have to edit out a bunch of pages, but the story flows once I start it. I have a basic idea and I've written the first page, but I still haven't been visited by the Graphic Novel Muse.
  Also working on animating my first graphic novel, Epitaph. I'm starting from scratch having never animated anything before. It's a challenge teaching yourself an animation style when you have no idea what it's called, or even how to describe it for a Google search. I joined a Facebook group for animators and they've been fantastically helpful. I now have an idea what I'm looking for and I'm studying YouTube tutorials. I've made some basic videos to try out the techniques, but I'm starting to fear my computer may not have enough processing power. I've animated a very basic scene several times but can't get it rendered without my program crashing. I'm hoping for a brand new computer so I can render the basic animations I'm looking for. I could really use a pen tablet (which would be my third, things get lost in the shuffle during moves). I have faith and I hold hope.
  I still paint and I still draw. I'm going back and working on my drawing skills. I'm currently working on my perspective skills from some art books I have. I actually learned about perspective half a century ago, but it's been nice starting over and practicing the basics. I also have some figure drawing classes I'm working. I want to be able to free hand people for some comic/animation projects I have in mind. Always pushing. Always looking to improve.
   Hopefully this doesn't come across as depressing. It's challenging which is exciting to me. Another hurdle to overcome. Another chance to prove that I can, in fact, get it accomplished. I could do without all the health problems though (they're not mine, but a family member's). I have no control over that and I don't like not having control.
  Buy me a coffee

   So, here's the good stuff:

AKO ANG HARI
     DOUG

So, This Lady Says To Me...

  So, it's Sunday night. I'm done with my day job and I'm getting my plans together for the new week. This is pretty much my Sunday ritual. I make a list of things I want to get done. I copy down any notes I've taken during the week. I make my game plan. I try to do as much art as I can, but the thing I really need to work on is bringing in money to support my artistic goals and dreams. I was recently reminded of a site that I joined: BuyMeACoffee.com. It's a site that promotes the support of creative types (like ya boy here). Basically you can click a button and donate the price of a cup of coffee. No big commitments. No long term contracts (although you can go long term if the mood strikes you). Just a little bit here, and maybe there too. You'd be surprised how these little bits add up. Maybe to the amount needed to publish my next book of art, just as an example (hint, hint). I think I'm gonna start putting the button out here and there just to give my fans a chance to help me out. The chance to be a patron. For the price of a cup of coffee. Buy me a coffee
  And now, here's some art. The real reason you came by.

AKO ANG HARI
     DOUG

Just To Stay In Touch

  Yeah, I'm writing another blog post. No, I really don't have much to say. That has never stopped me before, so, here we are. I'm staying motivated, doing art every day. Some days more than others, but that's to be expected. It's the whole promoting/selling art thing that I need to do more of. I could really use some help on that part, but that never seems to work out for me. I try to be self sufficient, but there are some things that I enjoy more than others. It's kinda odd really. When I'm waiting tables i can sell and upsell all day long, but I can't seem to get into a flow when it comes to selling my art. I sell enough to keep me from throwing in the towel, but I should really be making a nice living from my art. It really wouldn't take a whole lot of money to be considered a nice living. My standard of living isn't anywhere near the rock star lifestyle I used to live when I was younger. I'm not really complaining, just saying.
  I'm working on a new book of my art. Pictures of my paintings and the stories behind them. Seems more enjoyable than the first volume of my daily painting books. I don't have to go in any order, just what ever painting I think has a good story behind it. I really want to start the fourth book in my graphic novel series. I had a basic idea of what I want, I just can't think of an interesting way to get it started. I also want to do an animated version of my first graphic novel "Epitaph". I know what kind of animation I want to do, but I'm not sure how to go about doing it. I can't form a description of it to do a Google search. Oh, the pain of being an artist!
   That's pretty much where I stand. The AC is out in our house now and it won't be fixed tomorrow, since it's a holiday. I hate the heat and I hate to be uncomfortable. Not much I can do about it now though. I have no idea how to diagnose and/or fix an air conditioning unit. Maybe if I draw enough Those Guys drawings it will help. Couldn't hurt I guess.

AKO ANG HARI
     DOUG